I remember the one tragic time my dad truly did something for himself. It had been his dream to restore an antique truck, something from the 1930s, when headlights were still set out on top of the front fenders. When I was in high school, we found the body of a 1937 Ford pickup on … Continue reading Why don’t I believe in resting?
The other day, my husband told me something he’s been saying to himself lately: “This is what self-care feels like”. Friday night, he got home tired and antsy and just wanted to collapse in front of the TV and binge on some Netflix. He’s learned that that antsy feeling means I need to move some … Continue reading This is what self-care feels like
The other day, I wrote about how I had busted myself for self-pity. It wasn't a nice thing to say about myself. I had been struggling to accept that I had been given of a period of rest in my life. My response to this wonderful gift was feeling guilty for not doing enough. I … Continue reading I owe myself an apology
Last week I wrote about feeling guilty that I’m not doing enough. About struggling to follow the message I received to “Relax and enjoy.” In retrospect, I feel like that might have been self-pity. I really can't stand self-pity, especially in myself. It makes me kind of throw up in my mouth a bit. The … Continue reading Self-pity was dragging me down but I think I found the antedote
At the end of my guided meditation, the voice says, "Let go of the focus on your breath and let your mind be free." Pretty much every day, my reaction is, “Way ahead of you, man.” My mind has been wandering all over the place while I’m "supposed" to be focusing on my breath. I … Continue reading Meditation is such a great opportunity to beat yourself up
guiltYou know when you keep getting the same message from multiple sources? For a couple of weeks, I kept getting “Relax and enjoy”. I heard it during meditation, and from important people in my life. But how to do it? I’ve pondered this over the past couple of weeks, even though I’m pretty sure over-thinking … Continue reading I hear the message “Relax and enjoy” but I don’t know what to do about it
My friend used to ask me, “How are you?” all the time. She’d ask me Every. Day. “Good morning! How are you?” Ugh. It was the worst. What kind of question is that, anyway? “How are you.” What’s with that? Is she seriously expecting an answer? How does one even respond to such an inane … Continue reading The cruelty of “How are you”
When I meditate, part of my settling-in phase is a quick body scan. I think this is supposed to help connect me with the present, but often it is a series of rabbit-holes. I'll sit down, do my few deep breaths, close my eyes, and scan the immediate environment to take note of what's going … Continue reading How to do a 30-second body scan in only ten minutes
I want to have compassion for people that does not depend on my understanding of anything of the "facts" about them. I want to have compassion regardless of their intentions, or anything else that can be judged as right/wrong, or good/bad. I want to have compassion even for people who have hurt me. Sometimes this … Continue reading Unconditional compassion for whom?
Sometimes when I'm saying something, my mouth will purse up like I don't want the words to come out. Like whatever it is, I don't really want to say it out loud.